Handcrafted
Last year, around this time, I wrote a post about my time at NAM California once again. I remember not knowing how to start the blog. All I knew is how good God was, and how easy it was to praise Him, even in my disappointment. If you recall, last year, ANNND the year before that ANNND the year before that — okay you get the point. For the last twelve years, I’ve competed for the National American Miss, Miss California title. Year after year, I would fall just short of my dream. Runner up after runner up. My blog last year, Lord-willing helped me get through the sadness of disappointment. I reminded myself, and you, that our God is greater than our defeat. After last year, I told myself I was going to take a break of chasing what felt like a far fetched dream. My defeat wildly encapsulated me.
To my surprise, God showed me that this dream was never far fetched or broken. And I’m raising all my blessings to Him! So, after 12 WHOLE years waiting for my name to be called, God chose me this year. He always had this for me. Handcrafted to His perfection.
I could cry all over again. And most days I do. Tears of true gratitude. Tears of relief that this prayer came to fruition.
I could write about how long it took me to get here, or how excited I am to glorify Jesus during this title. But frankly, I think there’s something much more fruitful and life giving to talk about now.
When they called my name, the sigh of utter relief encapsulated my body. It was finally my turn. Throughout years and years of being apart of this industry, I heard everyone else’s name be called. I clapped for everyone else, with a smile on my face as wide as could be. In the back of my mind, I wanted it to be me. I longed, I prayed and I waited for it to be me. To nobody’s surprise, I wondered, and questioned “why isn’t it me?” — I asked myself, what am I doing wrong? Am I just not enough? These heavy questions weighed on me like a pile of rocks. Each and every year, I was hungry. Hungry to share my story, and impact the one’s around me. But, each and every year, I was told, “Not Yet”.
Not yet always felt like a utter NO. It felt like a mantra across my chest, telling me I’m just not good enough. Almost there, but not quite what they wanted.
Don’t get it twisted though. Each year I persisted. — excited for what God had for me. Because if I have learned anything throughout these 12-years. I KNOW, its so much more about the journey than it is the destination. And each year, like I shared with you before, this industry allows me to hold both joy + disappointment. Both confidence and confusion. Both happiness and sadness. That’s just the way God created it to be.
But, I wouldn’t be honest with you if I said this feeling followed me in times I was just so close. Top 12, top 5, even 1st runner up. I lost faith my name would ever be called.
But here’s what I finally realized, far before my prayer was answered. And here’s the reason I finally knew, just Sam had always been enough. And may be the very reason this year my dream became reality.
The moments when I asked God why, or I asked Him when, were actually the moments I was being handcrafted.
God was handcrafting this moment. He was handcrafting my faith. Handcrafting my persistence. My faith to trust in Him no matter what. My persistence to keep going even when I felt unworthy of my name being called. I was being handcrafted for this exact moment. This moment was always mine. Because if I know anything, I know the God I serve is a God who finishes what He starts.
The God we love is a God of good plans. They are prosperous and hopeful. God knew exactly what He was doing. — I’d like to believe that if I saw how long it took me to capture my dream of winning, I wouldn’t of kept chasing. I would’ve stopped. But that’s the beauty of how Good Jesus is.
My journey to the crown was handcrafted. And so is yours.
So, if you take away anything from this, I hope you take away that God is constantly pursuing you. Constantly preparing you. When you begin to doubt your ability, begin to receive God’s ability. When you begin to think you’re not enough, begin to realize you were enough to die for.
Read that again.
So, whether you’re waiting for you name to be called for a sparkly crown or banner, or something else. —Remember you are already called by name.
Friend, God is handcrafting each and every special part of your journey. You are called by name, just as you are. So, while you wait for your door to be open, praise your God in the hallway. He has GOOD plans for you!
Your Miss California 2024, Samantha Macklin
